9.20

I have nothing to write which ultimately means u need to write. I you read this and it sounds like I am reaching for anything to talk about then you are a asshole and absolutely right. Don’t judge me. I remember I told my high school girl friend I wanted to write scripts for movies. I used to write her poems about live and all that shit. Saying things like eagles in my stomach instead of butterflies. You gave no idea how hard it was to amit that. Even thinking it sounds corny. Disgusting af. So yeah,I had the idea to be a writer when I was still in high school because I saw that movie pans labyrinth and was amazed at not just the visuals but that someone created that from their mind, and put it to paper. At that time I had a classes called film analysis. Because what high school teacher  now a days actually teaches. It was a cool class I enjoyed it but looking back I wish I wow of took it for what it was instead of trying to fuck the yellow bone across from me. Her name was Erika Kelly and I did. She has a baby now. I started writing in hawaii though. I wrote this girl a story about a mermaid. I can’t remember what it said though. But I do see a pattern . Women seem to make me want to write. Especially if we’re fucking. I think that’s a muse idk. I remember my friend Nora asked me why I don’t write if that’s what I want to do. She was an awesome human being. But her cat was shit. Anyway I told her idk. It seems every time I try and turn something I genuinely love to do into a way to get money I fall out of love with it. I wanted to be a personal trainer but tried to start a whole business and realized I don’t like people that much. I mean I love people, but if I have to motivate you to take care of yourself then that’s a problem for me. Help yourself type of thing. I don’t want to ruin this to. Even though this was probably my first real ambition. Just writing. When I had book reports due in school , I wouldn’t read the whole book just the first two pages and the last and make the rest up. That was fun. But Idk I think I have enough of myself today. Thanks for reading.

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